unhealthy grief

Greif is an extremely tough thing to deal with and everyone deals with grief in different ways. My stepfather passed away on Wednesday night. All I can think about is my poor mom. Her grief overshadows any grief I am feeling. I can't even think about myself. My sister is the opposite. Completely. All she can think about is herself. And she totally went off on my mother today and said some really nasty things. My aunt keeps saying everyone deals with grief differently. I agree, but think you should never take your grief out on others, especially someone who just lost their husband. Angry. All I have is anger right now. No room for grief.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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Truckin Along

Blogger hates me and deleted my post from yesterday too.  I decided to write my posts in email and copy and paste them so this never happens again. So there, Blogger, I outsmarted you!

Things are going great.  Someone yesterday was discussing how negative people are lately and how she is sick of everyone complaining and it made me think.  I complain a ton when I actually have life pretty good.  So that is my resolution for the week....No Complaining.

I have been working out a ton and changing for the better.  I have slowed down, been reading a lot more, relaxing a lot more, and I love it!!  I am a changed girl.  

On Superbowl Sunday, one of the guys I hang out with looked great and lost tons of weight.  We were talking about what he did and he told me about P90X.  As insane as I am sometimes, I decided I would do it after a few people said I couldn't.  So that will be a major part of my posts for the next 90 days starting next Monday.  It is a boot camp work out that gets you in awesome shape in just 90 days.  I can't wait.  I need something to knock me down and really push me to the next level.  And you will all be here to see it happen.

I have been quite weird lately being that I do not want to spend a ton of time with people.  I normally am a "let's get together" group invite type of person.  I love being around people.  Not lately.  I would rather sit in bed with Whitey and Lola and relax.   I have no idea what has changed within me.  It is funny.  I honestly would have rather stayed in and relaxed the day of the Superbowl but had to go to a big party with tons of friends.  Maybe I am growing up?  Settling down?  Whatever it is, it is weird.  My books and puppy have never been so happy.

Go Ducks!

I can’t blog long since I was swamped at work and am rushing out the door to get to my anniversary surprise night for Whitey.  I have been planning this night for a while and it is almost four weeks after our real anniversary!!  We are headed to a fun dinner and a Ducks game.  I am STOKED.

I totally hit my health goals last night.  I worked out at the gym for an hour, lifting weights for half and cardio for half.  Then I got home and Whitey dragged me on a run around the island for two miles.  I was exhausted but feel a lot better about not being able to work out tonight.  Till tomorrow…..

Chugging Along

I am back.  I need a small break and actually tried to blog yesterday except blogger freaked out and deleted my post.  Argh!  My best friend is doing alright and thank you for your kind words.  It hit at home and made me think and appreciate life more, especially my parents.

Things are going really well and I did really well last week on my resolution (I extended it a week for the book reading so I could actually finish).  I had the most relaxing weekend and just watched movies and read a ton.  It was great!!  Things are finally falling into place.  Whitey and I saw Revolutionary Road on Friday night.  The movie caught me totally off guard and actually made me really depressed.  I do not recommend this movie for anyone that has hope for being in a happy marriage with children.  According to this movie, it did not look possible.  Such a dark, sad movie.  Saturday was spent with Lola on the beach with two lab puppies from the island.  She is the cutest and LOVES the beach.  She is normally completely covered in mud by the time we bring her home.  

Hense photo....

My resolution for this week---Eat two fruits everyday.  I had strawberries and an apple yesterday.  Today, I already had another apple and I am thinking about going to Trader Joes to grab some blueberries.  I love blueberries. I am also going to try to keep reading more since last week was so relaxing.  Anyone have any good books they suggest?

My sister has finally made a breakthrough.  I know it will not be smooth sailing forever but she is trying.  As some of you may know from previous posts, my sister and I are extremely close, although she is extremely hard to get along with.  She is selfish, always late and wrapped up with Planet Michelle, often forgetting about the other people that are here.  She recently broke up with a toxic boyfriend she was dating and has been really pleasant lately.  She is kind, helps Whitey and I out and actually listens.  She has turned over a new leaf.  I am trying to be kinder to everyone I come in contact with, her included.  I think it is working.

Life is Short

Yesterday was a rough day for me.  After trying to get to work early to make my 4:30 cycling class after work, I was late.  My boss was in the office waiting for me, and clock watched me right when I walked in.  Normally, not taking a lunch would be good enough for her to allow me to still leave early.  Not today.  Today was different.  We had a huge new business presentation the next day, which meant yesterday was practice day.   She scheduled a practice session at 4:00 pm, knowing all too well I would never make my class.  And I didn’t.  I was sad but got over it.  One less day of working out down the drain. 

Problem came late afternoon though.  All of the above activities and issues all of the sudden felt so trivial.  My best guy friend in Las Vegas’ father passed away unexpectedly.  My heart stopped when I found out through a mutual friend.  I called him right away.  He answered crying.  They were still in the hospital waiting for them to remove his father, the man who meant the most to him in his life.  I let him cry, tell me the story, I cried, sad I could not be there with him to hug him.  It is the one downfall of moving out of state from your oldest friends.  You can’t be there physically when they most need you.  Only emotionally and via phone.  I hate phones for this reason.  I got off the phone with him feeling horrible, sad and totally freaked out.  Life is so short.  His dad is the same age as my dad.  His dad was such a great man and full of life and smiles.  I wish I could be there to hug Matt.  He needs it right now.

If you get a chance, please go home and hug your parents and closest friends.  If you can’t hug them, call them and let them know how much they mean to you.  

Relaxation City

What a weekend!  This weekend was full of one of my resolutions.  From the title you can tell all I did was relax.  Whitey and I saw Benjamin Button on Friday night. It was really good and really long.  It made you think about things and really ponder if you are doing everything you can be doing with your life.  My conclusion was no.  I am totally settling at the moment.  Not in the relationship department, but in the pursuit of life in general.  My career is kinda boring and I know I could be going further.  This started my pondering for the entire weekend.

Whitey left on Saturday morning (at 6 am!!!! and guess who had to drive him to the airport??) for Phoenix to watch the Cardinals game on Sunday.  Lucky bird.  I had two whole days to myself.  Saturday Lola and I woke up around 10 and went to the vet to see what was wrong with her eye.  She had sand particles in her eye so we got some eye drops.  Poor thing.  She has already had an eye infection and two ear infections and she is only 3 ½ months old.  She loves the beach, which is the reason for these infections, so it is hard not to take her there.  So about an hour after we got home, we headed to the beach again.  I say this puppy only lives once and she is living it up.  She LOVES the beach.  I am hoping I can add one of the photos via my iPhone blogger so you can see how happy she is.  We spent the entire day relaxing by the water, with Lola covered in sand from head to toe.  My friend called and picked us up on her boat for a few hours too.  The weather was GORGEOUS, upper 70’s and sunny and warm.  It was wonderful.  We went to dinner at my sister’s hotel’s restaurant and had a glass of wine.  Well I did, Lola just slept under my barstool.  Then was off to girl’s night.

I do not do that many girls’ nights out anymore.  I do go out with my girls a lot, but I am talking a clubbing girl’s night full of alcohol and cheesy men.  I have a great guy at home and do not enjoy being hit on by gross men with their hats backward spitting out pick up lines.  Not my idea of a great time.  We went to The District, a bar by the beach in Newport.  My sister had met this really nice, outgoing girl recently and she was meeting up.  When she got there, she introduced herself to everyone and was immediately one of the nicest girls I have met recently.  She was friendly, cheery and one of the most attractive girls I have ever seen, but I noticed she had no idea how pretty she was.  We all hit it off with her really well and she wanted all of us girls to come to her apartment to check out her new place after the bar closed.  We headed over there around 1 am, and when we walked through the door, we were greeted by a stripper pole….in the middle of her living room.  Yes, let me repeat, a stripper pole in the middle of her living room.  Now, I am not one to judge and know plenty of people with stripper poles in their house, either in a bedroom or basement.  But the living room?  Right when you walk in?  She said she has taken a number of classes and does it to stay in shape.  She was in great shape so we were all joking about having a stripper pole class one day a week.  She was stoked.  We were just joking but went with it anyways.  My drunken girlfriends then began to cheer her on to show us some moves.  She heads into her room to change into a nonexistent outfit and busted out some of the craziest stripper pole moves I have ever seen.  It was quite the night.  My sister tried to do a few moves, noting that she was extremely intoxicated.  It was hilarious, but one of the most random endings to a night I have had in quite some time.  I am thinking I should do more girls nights out more often.

Sunday was spend at the beach all day again relaxing with Lola and reading…yes, reading.  I hit my goal and am well into Interview with the Vampire.  It is really good so far.  I will keep you posted since I am hoping to read more tonight.  I was also able to relax and daydream and think about some of the things I want to accomplish this year.  What a weekend!!  Best part was seeing the giant bruise on my sister’s foot from her run in with the pole.